i wanted to make sure i took some time to sit down and write about the things i learned while "unemployed." a lot of these thoughts i have expressed to my friends and family in conversation but i wanted to make sure to put them down all in one place. i know that the clarity i have now will fade with time... i know how easy it is to forget what it feels like to struggle once everything is coming easy again.
all work is work...
i could also say; "the grass is always green on the other side." while struggling to decide to quit my last job and go freelance i was so sure that freelance work would be so much better and i would be so much happier. and in some ways this was true. i would choose doing a beautiful beading while sitting on my couch and watching Oprah over balancing a budget in Excel any day, but it is not that simple... even in the freelance world i often had to do things i didn't enjoy. negotiating rates and invoicing clients is never fun. also doing crazy amounts of work in short periods of time which often means working well outside the normal 9-5 hours. also i wasn't able to quite survive on my freelance design work, so every month i supplemented my income with many hours of babysitting. and i love kids but babysitting long days sometimes starting at 9am until 11pm was definitely work. so as i start this "dream job" i must remember even a dream job is work.
i need very little to be happy...
i never really have thought of myself as being materialistic or not materialistic. growing up Quaker but also wanting to be a fashion designer meant i had to find a balance between living simply and being fabulous. and i like to think i have done a pretty good job...my clothes are always fashionable but never very expensive, i always have had nice things like computers and cell phones but have used them until they have worn out rather than get the next hot thing the minute it comes out. but over the past few months i have had no disposable income to spend on anything... no makeup, no clothes, no shoes, no jewelry, no impulse shopping sprees at duane reade. i thought this would be really hard but week after week slipped by and i didn't spend and didn't really miss it. when i did finally have a little extra money i thought i would run out to spend on me...yet all i wanted to do was take my sweet supportive boyfriend out to dinner. and that was kind of how it went for the past months. every time i did have a little extra cash at the end of the week i ended up spending it going out with my friends. seeing my friends always felt more important than having any material possession. i won't lie i have a list in my head of things i will buy with my first pay check...yet some how i doubt i actually will. i have a feeling i might just go out to a nice dinner with my friends. :)
friendships are what makes life sweet...
this i already knew but it has only been re-enforced. the only hard part of leaving my job was leaving my friends. when you see certain people everyday it is hard to imagine how they will fit in your life when you don't see them at the office. yet these friendships never skipped a beat. yes, it takes a little more effort to keep in touch but a true friendships moves forward even without daily contact. but beyond my work friends i also got such amazing unconditional support from my friends else where. friends from philadelphia, boston, memphis, florida, england and france reached out and followed up once they knew i had left my job. and over and over again they asked, how i was doing and when i did get my new job the congratulations were amazing. i literally could not have gotten through these time without my friends.
i can do anything...
i have to hold on to this, because in some ways i feel that i have failed since i could not make a living off of freelance work. but i did live 4 months in new york city on my own, with no constant source of income...and if you know anything about this city, you know what a challenge that is.
if you have stuck with me until the end of these thoughts; thank you. i just need to make sure i said them before i forgot.
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